Tuesday, November 1, 2011

La Anitera


The moon hangs low over the virgin blackness of the September night and grazes over the heads of trees lining the street of Elias Angeles. Its sharp blade plays strange images at the woman’s fertile mind; a sharp-edged sickle for a pagan rite of sacrifice. Closing her eyes to extinguish the thought, the drone of prayers from the nearby cathedral floods her. It is the feast of the Lady of Peñafrancia, the ninth and last day of the novena and already she is full of wicked auguries!

Tomorrow, hundreds of men, intoxicated by days of wine and beer will try to touch the virgin’s golden image; a trophy of masculinity, worthy to be retold for a generation. The little black virgin, helpless in a sea of raucous men

“The city will not sleep tonight,” she thinks to herself. “They are either in prayer or in sin, but in any way, questions will be raised by the drunkenness of prayer and wine.” She glances at the sickle-moon with contempt and a half-second veneration, before sliding the large window checkered with square capiz shells, closing it with one, final reverential bow.

“Must we do this Rodel?” turning now to a thin, handsome man, who has already slumped at her father’s favorite couch looking comfortable.

“Hnh?”

“Must we do this still?”

“You have to speak louder Mara, I’m watching TV,” says him and casually flicked the remote control to change the channel.

Impatiently, she grabs the remote control from his hand and turns the television off. For the third time she asks tersely, “must we do this?”

“Do what Mara?” he asks back sounding more brusque at the most recent harassment of his space and will. “Don’t tell me we’re having those irksome dialogues again about your, how did you describe it again, ah, ‘disdain’ and ‘scorn’ of these festivities? I told you, traditions are, we must not reason for or against it. So, can I have back the remote now?”

Still in front of the dead TV and with hands on her hips, she looks at Rodel with outstretched arms begging for the remote controller. If only you can beg for other things. She thought secretly.

As though the night, mixed with a thousand hail mary’s, commanded it, she gracefully, like one fluid act, seats at the floor and leans her head at Rodel’s right thigh. Not knowing the battle within her, he takes delight at the sudden mood shift and strokes her hair.

He smiles mischievously and quickly erases it off his face and looks at the closed capiz window as if he can see right through the shells and trees, and see the sharp sickle-moon hanging at the night sky.

“You know,” he begins. “My Bisayan mother hated this festival. Not that she hates the virgin, she hates the way the Bikolanos revere her. Oh, she was a devotee! I can say she worships the virgin mother as equal to Jesus! But she hated how these people would hold processions trying to get anything from her – flowers, thread, and cloth, from the image. Ai! She told me she did not eat the fiesta meal after seeing the procession for the first time.” He laughs at his own story while still holding Mara’s hair.

“But –“

“I don’t know why,” he cuts Mara whose mouth was still hanging in mid-thought, “my Inay never prayed with the women of the church. I guess she was afraid they’d learn she left her lover in Bohol and brought a fatherless child to Naga to live with her sister. Nevertheless, she prayed to the same virgin of Peñafrancia in her little altar at our room and prayed the same novena at the week-long festival. But never did she watch again the traslacion and fluvial procession. So I guess I understand you Mara.”

Yes she heard the story, but not from him, this was the first time he said that. Her tita told her about the gossips among the old women of the church. How Rodel’s mother was ostracized in Bohol because she was a witch and that she mothered the Archbishop's son. Tales that left her laughing at the sheer impossibility of those gossips, reminding her of Rizal’s Maria Clara or some cheesy soap opera.

“You haven’t told me that story.”

“But I have to tell you this. The wedding is in three days! You don’t want to marry a man with a skeleton on his closet!” and he laughs his full drunkard’s laugh. Mara thought the table has turned; she was the one confessing tonight not Rodel! Let him talk first.

“My mother is a witch.”

“Haha! Really funny. Did she leave you her broom on her will? Haha!” So he heard the gossips then. Poor Rodel.

“Seriously Mara,” he points at his face which caught the right light from the other room, making him more princely and mystical, “this is the serious face.”

“Okaayyy… go on.”

“The people call her ANITERA in Bohol. I was ten years old so I remember quite well when my Uncle stormed in our house one night and told us to pack our clothes and that we are going to Bikol, to her sister’s house, the one who married the local lawyer. I could not understand the haste to pack our things and the look of fear on my Uncle’s and mother’s faces we a puzzle. I caught words like ‘Kristong Hari Kulto’ and ‘salakay’ and only now I understand that the local fundamentalist sect was trying to kill my mother or at least exile her. A witch! She is an Anitera, Mara – a priestess of the Anitos.”

There was a lacuna of silence. A searing gap that seems to echo his last word. And then a voice:

“How sure are you about that?” Mara asks with an audible trace of doubt.

“Once, when were still in Bohol, I woke up to the sound of screaming. I went out of my room and followed the screeching and wailing of women until I found myself in our yard where the kubo is. There was my mother and a woman shrilling and bellowing animal noises, clawing at the two men, who restrain her. My mother was not there, she was another being entirely. The being did not see me creep among the mango trees. She was radiant or something, or maybe it was just my eyes fresh from the dark of sleep. She was speaking in another language –like bubbling water or something. She raised a handful of leaves dripping with water or oil and then rubs them on the woman. I don’t know what happened next because my uncle caught me and gave me a spanking inside the house. The next time was when I was fifteen, here in Naga. I saw her naked kneeling in front the biggest full moon I’ve ever seen, and drawing a circle with salt around her. By that time, I barely knew her. I was afraid of her.”

Mara notices the trembling hands of Rodel still stroking her hair and holds them. Soothing them the best way she knows how: she kisses them. And there was a long, pregnant and miraculously comfortable silence as if they are still talking in their heads.

I am even afraid of your own womanhood Mara. Every woman is an Anitera, guardians of the earth that is also their body. But I love you truthfully and must tell you my deepest secret and fear. I must open my heart to let you in but I must veil the fear I have of your own connectedness with your mother moon. I must place the ring on your finger, that remnant of a chain, and quell your womanhood with marriage.

I AM an Anitera Rodel, can’t you see? Every woman is. Must we still go on with the marriage? The ring is a remnant of a chain. But I love you fully, if only you know; Woman will not hurt you twice, love. The Anitera will be wed.

And there in the drunkenness of prayer and wine, the sharp sickle-moon which grazes over the heads of trees lining the street of Elias Angeles, has done the ancient rite of sacrifice and left with her consort clouds.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Ode to Uncertainty

maybe it's like the sun -
that quietly slides up and down
the oily sky, then gone
and there again.

maybe it's a prayer -
gently caressing the cheeks of capricious gods and
serving them nectar and honey and
blood and
heads.

maybe it's paper -
pregnant with words and
pictures that are not-
yet.

maybe it's may be.
or a shrug of the shoulders
or eyebrows raised.
a not, a not-yet, a yes
or maybe, may-be-not.

or perhaps, like chance -
leaping randomly,
without thought nor circumstance.
leaping from waking to dreaming
hopping from man to woman,
leaping from boy to girl
to real to imagined.
hopping and leaping on
shoulders, or suns, prayers
or papers.

or maybe, it's just chance
that we
Be at all.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Five Tokyo Haikus

1
Tokyo dreams of rain.
umbrellas walking headless;
suns, moons, shadows, pass.

2
katana coffee
office windows and ramen -
Tokyo polka dots.

3
bicycle sidewalks -
people rushing to bosses
waiting in warm bars.

4
antiseptic air
a beggar breathes in idly.
apathy-yen walks.

5
bow-arigatoo!
seven-hundred-yen-udon.
bow-gozaimasu!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Habagatan ang Hingang Pinakawalan sa Dilim

habagatan ang hingang pinakawalan sa dilim.
manipis at waring 'di marurok ng sinumang dios
o dios-diyosan.
walang nakapansin sa ihip na tumagos sa balat,
ang lahat ay may kanya-kanyang sinasampalatayaang anito/anino.

hindi ninais ng pantas na ang habagata'y pupuno sa kawalan ng dilim -
habang bawat hampas ng kanyang kamay
ay sumusugat sa birheng wala.
panunumpa ng itim na sugat sa kawalan ng puti;

mahusay ang pagkakakubli sa bahay ng mga luha.
ngunit waring baha ang kanyang pag-usbong mula sa tigang -
katulad ng baha na pumatay sa libu-libong kaanak ni Noah,

habagatan ang umiihip sa higanteng bangka.




Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Gasps of Conjunctions

the moon is the color of burnt glass

and the wind, a proximate murmur on our skins

gently, lovingly caressing our oneness-separateness

engulfing self and other in utter consumption.

shadow on shadow, meeting and parting in blasphemous conjunctions

even gods watching on clouds shiver with satisfaction.

tender waves lap on our toes, like angels’ touching

in their stark curiosity of flesh unto flesh

tasting our frenzied sins and oh and oh and ahhhh!

consumed – I

consuming – you

consumed, consuming

you, I – I, you

in the darkness, we open universes of exploding stars and infinitesimal moments of

creation, destruction, transformation. the dance of Shiva Nataraj on our groins

while we dance in the navel of Tranquility - OM.

OM Shanti.

tremendum et fascinans etched on our nakedness

and revelations of blinding light, illuminating the once-enfolding consciousness of US.

the fruit of Adam on my hand

the sword of Michael on yours

the eyes of the snake on the moon,

the color of burnt glass.

03152011

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Inside a Dry Well

its mouth craves for superstitions and hungers for unseen things

like fear, love, faith, mercy, devils and angels in ministerial garbs;

those infinite exhalations of humanity, excretions of dissipation.

its shade - the color of death and other indescribable iotas. we wail upon sighting

our last rocky bed, the long fall, the wet bones down below.

the impending torment sucks our tongues and blinds concepts of morals and sins and gods

to one unglorious, breathless scream! Exhalations of lucifers and michaels!


can’t you see the world is a dry well?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Manila, Black and White


dreams have no face in Manila;
only coins do.

people walk about without a trace
of a good morning kiss,
and scurries along septic walkways,
footbridges and the lazy man's lifts.

if dreams exist, they are sure to be found
behind closed eyes and the occasional
smile of a complete stranger in the train,
helping you get out of the crammed box.

when you're in Manila, never look up.
you'd be disappointed to see there's no sky,
only a gaping gray hole, a skullcap
on top of obscene towers and billboards.

and sleep never conquers Manila, oh no.
she passes on swift wings
never looking under dark bridges and skyways
where the restless ones wait
for her final gift of sleep.

the sun never really shines in Manila:
you never really see the sun rise in the east,
you never see it cross over your head,
nor hear his last departing sigh.

only the gray plume of amassed sin and smoke,
sits idly on the city,
and a thousand faceless dreams
deafeningly audible as a permanent hum.